I’ve been debating this post for some time now, unable to decide whether it would be appropriate and beneficial to publish it. Of course, I mean all that I say within it, and it’s all true. However, as a sister in Christ, I do care about my brothers – and I think too often, we resort to bashing them as they learn how to be men, instead of encouraging them. I pray that this post will not be of that sort. I pray that this post is written in humility, love, and sincerity, and that it is read in a similar manner.
That being said, I’m going to attempt to move on to say what is burdening my heart, however clumsily I express it. And it is this – it never gets any less painful to see women that I love broken and defeated by men. It never pains me any less to hear stories of women bruised and hurting from mistreatment. And I will never cease to get tears in my eyes to see a woman of God in tears over a man in her life who isn’t treating her like the daughter of the King that she is.
All of this might be a tad bit easier if the men involved were not believers. If this were so, what they did would still be wrong, but at least understandable. How can you expect a man who is blind and lame to lead a woman without damaging her? But these men are Christians, or at least claim to be.
And lest I misconstrue anything, I want to say that I realize that I am absolutely blessed to be surrounded by the men that I know. You are godly, and growing, and encouraging, and I appreciate you. That being said, much of the damage being done to these women that I love is unintentional. Hurt caused by men who had no intent of doing so. Pain inflicted by men who, in all honesty, were probably desperately trying to discern God’s will in their lives.
I get that. I really do. We’re all young. We’re all growing. We need patience and grace. But here is what I think many men fail to understand -
Women. Are. Fragile.
I’ll say it again. We’re fragile. Delicate. Fine. Fragile.
Sure, sometimes we have backs of steel (or at least we pretend we do). But we have limbs of porcelain and hearts of much finer material.
Understand this, please. We are much, much more breakable than you, or your guy friends. Don’t break us any more than this world already has, enmeshed in sin as it is.
Don’t flirt with us if you aren’t going to pursue us. Don’t even start. If you want to pursue a relationship, pursue it. Don’t leave us hanging.
Don’t begin to pursue us, and then back out. Be serious. Good intentions aren’t enough. Many Christian men with good intentions still hurt their sisters because they rush into pursuing her before they really think about it, and then have to back out and leave a crushed woman in their wake.
Don’t date us if you aren’t ready. And by all means, don’t marry us if you aren’t ready to love us like Christ loves the Church!
Please, in all your dealings with women, remember – we are far more fragile and easily hurt than you can even imagine.
“live… in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. “
(1 Peter 3:7 ESV)
“we are so fraaaaagile, our cracking bones make noise.” sorry, I was listening to Ingrid Michaelson, so those were the words that first came to me. but I am curious, what about men? I think they are fragile creatures as well, probably fragiler (is that a word?) than we, as women, realize. I think we need to be careful with their hearts and keep them guarded as well, in regards to how we dress (which you have addressed before) and with how we act with them, such as flirting and what-not. I do agree that women are fragile, and I say with my whole heart that I appreciate a man who is quick to guard any woman’s heart, who is not afraid to be bold and RUNS from passivity, or at least can admit when he has not acted as he should. But I could just as easily assume (and assuming is dangerous, I realize) that a man would also appreciate a women who is eager to guard his heart as well–a women who dresses to guard him, who doesn’t toy with his mind and is bold herself when she needs to be. I in no way am saying that women aren’t fragile. Maybe we are in fact more fragile than men, as 1 Peter mentions. However, I think it might also be that the very vessel of the heart is what is most fragile, and should be treated with the utmost care. Just some thoughts