I’m 22 going on 23. I’m stumbling my way through this rocky, transient stage of “adulthood.” I’m not nearly as physically close to my friends and family as I would like to be. I’m still trying to figure out who “I” am. In 6 months, I’ll be married.

And I’m completely, totally, out-of-my-mind afraid.

My current life is a strangely wonderful and horrifying mix of change and choices. I’m planning my wedding, applying for jobs, looking for my first “married” apartment, trying to make sure we have enough to pay for it all.

Sometimes, it’s hard to sleep at night as I run down the list of all of the “needs” that are looming overhead.  Sometimes it’s hard to sleep at night because of the exhilarating, wonderful, beautiful things that are happening. Sometimes, it’s both.

It’s beautiful, and it’s terrifying. It’s exciting, and it’s scary.  It’s the best and worst, and sometimes I can’t separate the two because they seem to come mixed together.

I can’t decide whether to keep my eyes wide open, lest I miss it all, or squeeze them tightly shut, lest I see it all.

I’m 22 going on 23.  My life is changing so fast I can’t keep up. I’m complete, totally, out-of-my-mind afraid. And I’m totally, fully, 100% grateful for all of it.

 

 

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