I want my life to be different.

I want to be close to my boyfriend, close to my friends. I want to know what I’m going to be doing after graduation. I want to know what I’m doing for the rest of my life. I want to have that magical sense of direction I thought I’d have once I graduated from college. I want to be motivated, to not waste time. To know how to sew. To be a better photographer. To be less awkward. More fit. Less selfish. More kind. Better at seizing opportunities, worse at making excuses. More likely to go out of my comfort zone for the sake of another, less likely to play it safe for my own sake. I want so much more out my life than I’m getting.

But Jesus didn’t come to make me happy by giving me what I want. He came to make me holy. And I’m finally starting to realize that while He shapes me, I can either let him, and find joy, or I can fight, and be miserable. 

It’s a choice I have to wake up and make everyday.