Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not allowed to grieve.
As a whole, our culture really sucks at grieving. When someone dies, we give the family and friends one, maybe two days to mourn publicly. And then they have to go back to real life, as if everything were normal. And if that’s what we do when someone dies, well I think it’s safe to say we handle lesser griefs much worse.
We don’t let people grieve.
I’m a firm believer that any kind of loss causes grief, although arguably the amount of grief varies. The death of a dream, the hurt of being treated unkindly, having something we don’t want or wanting something we don’t have – all of those things cause grief.
But we don’t let people grieve. Think about what you said the last time someone expressed hurt or discontent about being single. If you’re at all like me, you probably said something along the lines of, “You don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend.” “Being in a relationship is hard too.” “God has something in store for you, just be content.”
All of those statements are true. But are they helpful? In that moment, when someone is expressing their grief, is that what they really need to hear?
Let them grieve.
Say, “I’m sorry.” Say, “How can I help?” Say, “That sucks, how are you doing?” Say anything but something that discounts their grief.
Let your friends grieve over being single, or unmarried, or over hurts from long ago. Don’t let them wallow, but let them grieve. It’s not a one-time thing. It’s not something to “get over.” It’s a process, one made much easier with a good friend sitting quietly by your side.
Please; Let me grieve.