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Today, I was shown something that pretty much sums up what I want to do with my life.  My vague ideas for a career pretty much summed up in one tiny url. www.mediastorm.org If you’ve never heard of it, don’t feel bad – neither had I.  Until my Journalism 101 class today, that was.  It was brought up by our professor as an example of how the internet is used in reporting.  We watched a video that literally left my speechless.  As I watched I thought “This. This. This is it! This is what I want to do!” I felt my palms get sweaty, my heart beat faster, my chest constrict.  I wanted to run out the door and jog to New York (where mediastorm is located) and beg for a job.

That being said – I’m pretty sure if that’s what I want to do, that I’m in the wrong major.  Most of the video would probably be placed under the categories of “Media Graphics” or “Photojournalism”.  And here I sit, a Journalism major.  Granted, I have taken the first step of applying and interviewing for a spot in the Photojournalism program.  However, whether or not I’ll get in is still unknown.  What if I don’t?  What if I get in and find out that I would rather do journalism?  What if I find that I actually hate photojournalism?  What if I try to both and am an absolute failure at each one and end up selling off pieces of my equipment to pay the rent for my cardboard box?

For someone who hates uncertainty, I have certainly chosen two possible careers that are pretty much defined by their uncertainty.  And I’m uncertain about even wanting these careers that are uncertain.  Uncertain squared.  Ugh.

If there’s one thing I can definitively say about myself, it’s that I’m a planner.  I like lists. I like calenders.  I like schedules.  Vacillation and indecision drive my absolutely crazy.  Honestly, if I could, I would choose to know everything about my future – my career, who I’ll marry, where we’ll live, how many kids I’ll have.  I have often lamented to friends about the uncertainty of my life.  “I trust God,” I moan, “but I would really appreciate it He could just like, submit a blue-print or something and let me sign off on it!”  We all laugh, but really – is that trust?  Is knowing what will happen – even in rough blueprint form – trust at all?  No.  That’s trusting myself.

Perhaps with my intended choice of career, and my own uncertainty about my major at the moment, is God’s way of getting me to trust Him.  “C’mon,” he’s pleading, “I know what I’m doing.  If you’d quit holding onto that tiny ledge, I’d pull you up to the mountaintop.”  And I know this.  I understand this.  And yet, I’m still clinging to my tiny ledge, my little rock of familiarity, of plans and lists and calendars.

It is one thing to know that I should trust God’s plans for my future.  It’s another entirely to do so.  But if there’s one thing I do trust, it’s that God can change my heart and help me to trust.  In that, I trust.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil.  Plans to give you a future, and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Kingsley\’s Crossing

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I know, it has been a long time since I’ve posted.  However, I have a pretty good reason for this.  I’ve been hearing a lot, both from my friends and from things that I’ve been reading and listening to, about examining how I use my time.  I decided to do so, and I noticed that I wasted a LOT of time on the internet.  If one compared “amount of time I spend on the internet” to “amount of time I spend in prayer/reading the Bible”, one would think that I worshiped Facebook, and not God.  Yes, it was that bad.  I love the internet. I want to make a career out of it!  But it was getting in the way of my spiritual development.   So I decided to step back and only update this blog occasionally.

This brings me to another point – the purpose of this blog.  Mostly, I’m using it as personal exercise.  I want to strengthen my writing skills in a way that is glorifying to God.  I’m honestly not intending to use it as a teaching tool, or anything like that – so please don’t look at it like that!  Everything on here is simply “in my humble opinion”.  I think, at most, I want to spark discussion and thought.  And finally, I want to make this clear – only read this blog when you have time.  If you happen to see that I’ve updated it, via RSS feed, Facebook, or whatever, ask yourself “what else could I be doing right now? A devotional? Prayer time?  Discipling/being discipled? Fellowship?  Helping out my family and friends?  Reading the Bible? School or house work?”  If you can honestly answer that all of those have been completed, then read my blog.  On a scale of importance between pi and 1,256,889, my blog ranks somewhere in the 1,256,800 range – right in between watching grass grow and debating the theological merit of the the latest episode of “The Hills”.  Yup.

Finally, I have a question to ask everyone.  Recently, I overhead a group of people I know to be proclaimed Christians speaking very critically and nastily of another Christian brother of theirs.  I don’t know whether the criticism was deserved or not, but it certainly wasn’t the right way to handle it.  I wanted to call them out on it and correct them (I realize its a duty outlined in the Bible), but I didn’t.  I didn’t feel comfortable doing so – It was 5 against 1, and I didn’t know them very well.  Plus, I was just overhearing it, I wasn’t directly involved in the conversation.  What would you have done in my situation?  What should I have done?  How have you dealt with calling out people in past?

So this past weekend, I went on a retreat with Campus Crusade for Christ.  We left, in the pouring rain, about 4 o’clock on Friday.  The way up was winding and full of twists and turns.  By the time we got to the halfway point, stopping at Arby’s for dinner, I was sick.  Fortunately, sitting in the front sit did the trick and by the time we got to Scioto Hills Christian Camp, I was fine!

The weekend turned out to be a *BLAST*!  I had so much fun, and I learned a ton.  I really can’t describe all that happened in words – so I’ll just put up some pictures and a few videos.

The Bible study girls on the first night :)

The Bible study girls on the first night 🙂

Very late night talks on the couch in the cafe

Very late night talks on the couch in the cafe

Gorgeous camp grounds that we got to enjoy - God was romancing us with nature this weekend for sure :)

Gorgeous camp grounds that we got to enjoy - God was romancing us with nature this weekend for sure 🙂

Singing around the campfire after the prayer walk... crazy boys!

Singing around the campfire after the prayer walk... crazy boys!

Mike laughing. Lots of laughter this weekend. (BTW Mike, you just lost 20 Man Points for this picture. Just an FYI ;-) )

Mike laughing. Lots of laughter this weekend. (BTW Mike, you just lost 20 Man Points for this picture. Just an FYI 😉 )

laying ultimate pumpkin during free time (It's played like ultimate frisbee... except you throw a pumpkin around instead of a frisbee. Look carefully at this picture and you can actually see the pumpkin flying through the air)

laying ultimate pumpkin during free time (It's played like ultimate frisbee... except you throw a pumpkin around instead of a frisbee. Look carefully at this picture and you can actually see the pumpkin flying through the air)

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Past Musings