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Almost 4 years ago, I wrote this post about being a Christian with ADHD. It made much more of a splash than I could have imagined, and I still receive comments and emails about it almost weekly. I’m still stunned that something I wrote in an attitude of humorous exasperation over my own personal condition has been so helpful to so many people!

That said, I’ve learned a lot in 4 years. I still stand behind everything that I wrote in that initial post, but I want to make some clarifications that I hope everyone, including those who don’t have ADHD/ADD, will find helpful!

1. My condition is not a mistake, but it’s not “how God intended” me either.
I hear people say this a lot, and I know their intent is good, but it irks me. Yes, this is technically “how God made me.” But I am of the firm belief that this is not how he intended me, at least not in the sense of how he intended humanity to be. It’s like looking at a person paralyzed from birth and saying, “That’s ok, it’s how God made you!” Technically, you’re right, but it’s not very nice to say, and it actually communicates a pretty serious falsehood about who God is and what He wants for us.

You see, without going into a full-blown explanation of Genesis, when God created the world, everything was perfect. When Adam and Eve first sinned, everything was thrown into chaos. From then on, the world we live in has been fundamentally broken. My messed-up brain chemistry is just another example of that. Yes, God is sovereign and knew it was going to happen. But He didn’t intentionally create me this way, and He won’t keep me this way. One day, I’ll have a new body, and I’m pretty sure it won’t include a brain with ADHD. Which will be awesome.

2. My condition makes my spiritual life different, but it’s not an excuse for a lack of spiritual discipline or maturity.
So I have a hard time focusing, my ability to sit still is limited, and I struggle with consistency. These things mean that my spiritual life will always look differently from someone with a normal brain, but I truly believe that they don’t give me license not to try. I won’t go into detail about the things that I’ve found helpful for maintaining spiritual disciplines (stay tuned for “Part 3” for that), but I will say that there are things that I’ve found helpful. I am fully capable of studying the Bible daily, praying consistently, and engage in group settings to grow.

3. My condition is NOT an excuse for sin.
I think this point is pretty self-explanatory, but I will elaborate. As tempted as I am to blame my sin on my ADHD, I know that’s not right. While it’s true that my propensity towards being impatient is caused by my ADHD, it doesn’t give me a free pass to selfishly force others to hurry up, not follow proper procedures, or otherwise make rash decisions. Yes, I hate waiting. I hate it more than I hate almost anything else in life. But the scriptures tell us, again and again, “be patient!” It’s one of the fruits of the Spirit. I don’t get to just excuse my lack of it as a “brain chemistry thing” and waltz on by. It just means that I’m going to have to pray more, repent more, try more.
I don’t get a free pass to sin, I get another opportunity to repent and rely on God to help me do what I know I cannot do on my own. 

4. I am fully capable of being a successful, mature, responsible adult who walks by faith and fulfills God’s purpose for my life.
My life will look different. I will probably never stop losing things. I will almost certainly need daily medication life-long. But I can, and I WILL be the person God made me to be. With the proper medication, a good support system, healthy Scriptural teaching, and a daily dependence on God – I can be all of the the above. I can have a life full of the good things that come from trusting God and working hard. I can learn to live life in the ways that God has prescribed. I can learn to let the truth change me for good. I can, as Jesus commanded us, “Go and make disciples of all nations.” Not even the most severe ADHD could stop that. And I’m grateful for that.

5. The prescription for how to live the Christian life with ADD/ADHD is GRACE
For YEARS, I wondered how to live the Christian life as a woman with ADHD. And then one day, when I wasn’t even looking for the answer, it hit me – GRACE. Grace, grace, grace, and more grace. The answer of how to live the Christian life as a person with ADHD/ADD is the same answer of how ANYONE is to live the Christian life. We’re not special, and we’re not different. We’re sinners, and we’re desperately in need of grace.

I might sin differently because of my ADHD, but it doesn’t nullify God’s grace. I am to repent and cast myself into His arms, same as anyone else. And I know that He will accept me, because Jesus died for that. He died for my failure to be patient, for my volatile mood swings, for my lack of self control, for my wandering affections. He died for my sin. And He died that one day, I might see Him as He is – beautiful, loving, ever-patient, slow to anger and full of steadfast love and mercy. For now, I see that only in part. But one day, I will see that in full. And in that day, my brain will be healed, along with my body. I will be perfectly patient, perfectly at peace, perfectly controlled, and all my affections will be set in their rightful place – with Him, in a never-ending day of praise to the King of the Universe.

Looking forward to that day, right alongside you. Until then, Brothers and Sisters, take heart in this –
“…I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12

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From September 2011 – March 2012, I knew at least one couple that got engaged every month.

Since then, my life has become a flurry of engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorettes, and, of course, weddings.

Now, just so everyone knows, I attend all of these events with joy.  There is not much better than celebrating the start of a lifelong covenant with beautiful friends. I love it!

However, I don’t think I’m alone when I say it’s also very, very hard. It’s hard to watch everyone get engaged, and then married, and not you.

For several months, I struggled with this.  Though I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t seem to quell my feelings of jealousy and impatience. For every time I’d rebuke myself and repent, the feelings seemed to come back even stronger.

I confided about my problem with a few, but it didn’t seem to help. They were either struggling just like me, or didn’t know what to say.  I was told, “Be patient. Be grateful.”

I knew they meant well, but I always left those conversations frustrated. That was my problem.  I wasn’t grateful, and I couldn’t be patient – and I didn’t know how. 

Soon, bitterness, and resentment joined the party, and I was fully miserable.

My heart grew hard. My prayers grew cold. And there I sat.

Graciously, though, God didn’t leave me there.  One day, while bored, I picked up “Idols of the Heart” by Elyse Fitzpatrick, a book I had started, but not finished. Through Elyse’s helpful questions, I realized something. Jealously and impatience were not my problem; idolatry was.

I had turned from worshipping God and was bowing down at the altar of marriage.  And no matter how I tried to get rid of my jealousy and impatience, because my idol remained, so did they.

Even if I were to get my desire (engagement/marriage), my idolatry would just find a new home – in houses, or money, or babies.  I would never be able to conquer this sin by attempting to simply be patient or grateful. To quote the book, “Don’t be deceived into thinking you need to develop more willpower.  [We] need to develop godly thoughts and desires.”

I would never be able to conquer this sin with mere willpower. No, I needed divine intervention to redirect my idolatrous heart to worship the one, true God.

Praise God that the intervention has already been provided. Jesus Christ, who worshipped the Father perfectly, has given his life for mine, and I can know that the debt I owe for my idolatry is paid.

What’s more, I can know that my heart will be reformed.  Day by day, as I lay down my idol, the Father will reshape my heart, teaching me to love and serve him alone as my God. This is a promise. “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in the day of Christ Jesus.” – Phil 1:6

If you, like me, struggle with jealousy, impatience, bitterness, or any of the thousands of sins that afflict us, take heart in these words from “Idols of the Heart.”

You too, can rest today knowing that as you, by His grace, respond to your heavenly Husband’s command to surrender your idols, He’ll bury them… under the most awesome and glorious tree ever…the one on Golgotha’s mount.

Release. Repent. Relax.

If you’d like to know more about “Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone,” you can read about it here.

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Past Musings