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I’m the kind of person who doesn’t worry.

Instead, I PANIC.

This week, I woke up and decided it was high time for some panicking.

Just kidding. But really, I did panic.

It was like for so long I (and we) have been in the dramatic upheaval of marriage and missionary training and moving and starting out support raising that I didn’t have time to panic, only to keep my head above water.

But slowly, things have settled. We’ve unpacked our things. We bought a comforter. Our rings became less shiny and our stuff less new and our marriage less novel, and suddenly I wasn’t just surviving.

And when I finally had enough time to stand and look around, I panicked. Not just panicked, but PANICKED. Like, freaking out, crying, full-blown angry-thrashy-sweaty-nightmare-filled sleep panicked.

Like a child who suddenly realizes they’ve swum into the deep end on accident, I’ve lost my footing. Spluttering, choking, gasping for breath.

How are we ever going to do this? Missionaries? What were we thinking? Really. There are people far smarter, far better, far more spiritual and qualified for this than us. Trust me, we went through training with them.

But here we are. With the title “Missionary” on our marriage license and our tax forms. Doing just that.

But for some reason, God chose us for this. I definitely don’t always appreciate it (last night as we were getting ready for bed, I told Clay that I really wish God could have chosen to make us something more stable, like an office-worker or full-time vacation-taker. He told me the first one isn’t all that stable and the second one doesn’t exist. Dang.) But I know we’re right where we’re supposed to be.

And honestly, it’s a scary place to be. I wish I could say that I wasn’t scared, that I was trusting God completely, that I was at peace. But I’m not. But I’m getting there.

Every day I wake up, I’m dragging these reluctant feet a few more steps, urging this stubborn heart to soften just a little bit more. I’m getting there. I am. I’m just slower than you might expect.

“I believe I will look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13)

I have clung to this verse like it is life itself. To me, it says so much. It says not only will I see the goodness of the Lord, but that I will see it in the land of the living. Did you catch that? I won’t have to wait until heaven. I will see it here. Now.

Oh, that gives me so much hope!

To know that it’s not the interminable waiting. To know that I’m not stuck on “this side of eternity”, a phrase to me that sounds like being a toddler stuck behind the baby gate, watching all the fun happening in the other room.

To know that I can, right now, in this place, in this situation, experience his goodness, no matter how scared or small or insufficient I feel.

I love that. I need that.

I BELIEVE I will look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of living. In the land of missionary support raising. In the land of newly-married-ness. In the land of Columbus, Ohio (aka far, far away from the ministry and the students I love.) In this land, right here, today.

I believe I will.

I believe.

 

 

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I apologize if it seems all I write about any more is my wedding. It’s consumed my thoughts and thus my writing. That said, I’m going to talk about it some more.

A week from today, I’ll be getting married. A year ago at this time, I was dealing with the emotions of realizing that it was going to be at least a year before I got married. At first, it made me upset. I was finally engaged, and now I had to wait some more?!

It made me angry, and a little bit sorry for myself. I’d long ago learned that complete honesty in prayer with the Lord was better than half-hearted but religious platitudes. At the time, I couldn’t pray that He would make me happy to wait. I just couldn’t.

So instead, I prayed that the longing I felt to be married to Clay would teach my heart what it really means to long for Jesus’ return.

If that seems like a non-sequitar, let me explain;

Throughout the Bible, God’s relationship with his people is depicted as being like that of a husband and a wife.

In the very beginning, in Genesis, it is said that God created humans, both men and women, “in the image of God,” meaning that they, at their very essence, reflect key things about who God is and what He is like. Man is made first, and then women is created for man, to be his mate.
“The man said ‘This [woman] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:32,24:

Later, God continually refers to himself as a “husband” to his chosen people, Israel.

“In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.'” (Hosea 2:16)
“For your Maker is your husband– the LORD Almighty is his name” -(Isaiah 54:5)
“”Return, faithless people,” declares  the LORD, “for I am your husband.” (Jer 3:14 )

In the New Testament, the references continue, now with Jesus being referred to as the “bridegroom” to his faithful people. Paul even goes so far as to say that the major reason that God created marriage like He did was to provide us with a living picture of himself;
” ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am saying it refers to Christ and the church.” – Ephesians 5:31,32

Finally, the references conclude in the final book of the Bible, Revelations. In this book, the future return of Jesus is described as  “wedding” – where the Groom, Jesus, will finally, once and for all, be fully united to the people who have chosen to love Him – His Bride, the Church.  (Revelation 19, 21)

This picture has long been one of my favorites. It brings tears to my eyes to imagine the day when Jesus returns;
A triumphant Groom, the long, weary battle won, comes to claim His radiant bride and take her away to live with Him forever.

But for now, we live in the waiting period. As His church, we are engaged to Him – but the final marriage hasn’t come yet. And it is oh-so-hard.

I know that feeling.

I’ve been engaged for over 14 months now. I understand what it means to wait. Fortunately, God has been kind to me, and I actually really enjoyed the majority of my engagement.  In fact, I often wished it would slow down – I was comfortable being engaged. Liked it, actually. I didn’t see the need to hurry my wedding! Sometimes, in the middle of all the “engagement” and wedding planning activities, I would forget I was even getting married! But still, I often prayed that it would teach me what it meant to really long for Jesus’ return. And for most of my engagement, I felt like that prayer went unanswered. In the past two weeks, though, something changed.

Two weeks ago, I moved home to begin working on support and finish up wedding details, while Clay stayed behind in Athens to work. Of course, I miss him terribly. And somewhere, in the middle of that, my heart started to shift.

This past week, I’ve acutely felt the longing just to be with Clay. I want my wedding to hurry up and get here – not because I want to wear a pretty dress, or put my hair up, or even to celebrate with loved ones – but because my wedding will mean he’ll be here, with me. I’ll be able to not just hear him – but see him. Touch him. Be with him. And I won’t have to say goodbye.

That’s what it means to long for Jesus’ return.

So often, we get trapped up in the insignificant and the momentary, we lose sight of the eternal. We get comfortable on this earth – enjoy it even.  We occupy ourselves with things, good things even – family, church, ministry, jobs – and forget what we’re really waiting for.

How often have you heard someone say, (or perhaps even said it yourself) “I’m not ready for Jesus to come back, I haven’t (insert unfulfilled desire here) yet,” ?

What silliness! What bride should say, “I’m not ready for my wedding, I haven’t cleaned the grout in my bathroom yet,”?!?

None of the things we think we’re waiting for could be better than spending eternity in Heaven with the God who loves us more than any groom has ever loved any bride. 

I don’t long for Jesus’ return the way I should. I don’t ache for Heaven with the intensity and the fervor that I should. And this side of Heaven, I probably never will.

But in this gift of my year-long engagement, I have learned a little bit how I ought to. A little more of my heart everyday is learning to cry, “Maranatha! – Come, Lord Jesus, Come!”

Yes – Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

I’m getting married in 2 months. Actually, 69 days to be exact. On May 24, 2014, I will make the most solemn vows of my entire life, and officially become Mrs. Clay Selway. I will commit to not only share, but entirely give my money, my possessions, my future, my body, my soul to one man. Forever. No way out.

And he’s not “The One.”

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I love Clay with everything I have. He makes me laugh. He makes the bad days good and the good days better. He challenges me to be a better person, and comforts me when I’ve failed that challenge. He’s the kindest, gentlest, sweetest person I know. He’s my best friend, my hero, and the only man I’d ever want to be my husband.

But he’s still not my soul mate, and definitely not “The One.”

Not that I didn’t spend the first 18 years of my life longing to meet my “One.” Growing up, like any good midwestern girl, I was fed a steady diet of the idealized American romance. One boy, one girl – two star-crossed lovers who fight across space and time to fulfill their destiny of being together. From Disney movies to romance novels, I ate it all up. I had my own copy of “Romeo and Juliet,” that I read until the pages started to fall out. I literally watched “The Princess Bride” so many times I could have recited it in my sleep. I loved it. And I wanted it.

But no matter how I tried, I just couldn’t seem to find it. Even the best boyfriend I had failed my weighty list of expectations. No man in the world seemed like they would ever fulfill the ideal I’d built up. I sat around and lamented to my girlfriends ruefully, “I think God made me a man, but somewhere along the way he got hit by bus.” The humor was a thin veneer for some very thick disappointment.

After wading through the smoking rubble from a broken relationship with someone I thought was “The One”,  I met my now fiance, Clay, through some mutual friends. After a year of friendship, we began a careful dating relationship. 2 years after that, he asked me to be his wife. And in just 2 months, we will become one. But he isn’t “The One.”

You see, Clay will never be “The One.” In fact, I don’t even think there is a “One,” not on this earth at least. The very concept of a “One” implies that there is one, singular person out there that will fulfill every single desire of my heart, meet every single need, and heal every single hurt.

What an incredible burden! Actually, what a crushing burden. No man, not even Clay (and I admit I think he’s the best man out there) could do that. Think of who many needs, wants, desires, and hurts you have – could just one person ever take care of all that?

As a Christian, I believe that human beings have eternal souls. Souls that are filled with an immense, infinite amount of desires and wants. We need to be loved perfectly, to be known perfectly, to be cherished perfectly. But, as the they say “no one’s perfect.” And thus, no one, not even your spouse, no matter how well matched, will ever be able to fulfill you fully.

But our culture has told us this lie, and we’ve ate it up. And so we date, and break up, marry and divorce, all the while searching, searching, searching for someone, anyone to fill this aching hole inside of us. But they can’t. And they don’t. And they never will.

I think C.S. Lewis got it right when he famously said, ““If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

You see, I think we were made for another world. A world with no longing, no sighing, no searching, no pain. No disappointment, no unmet expectations, no broken relationships, no emptiness. A world with a perfect relationship with a perfect God; an Infinite being to fill an infinite need. And though we haven’t lived in that perfect world since Genesis 2, I believe that through Jesus, we can still have that relationship with God. And through Him, even while I struggle through this broken world, I have an infinite source to fill my never-ending need.

This is something Clay and I came to realize before we dated each other, and something we realize a little more every day. Because we both have a relationship with Jesus, we have all of our infinite needs, wants, and desires fulfilled. We don’t have to turn to each other for them.

This means that while I still receive things like love, affection, friendship, and affirmation from Clay, I don’t have to. I don’t demand them, but rather can receive them as a gift. On the bad days (or weeks, or months, or years), I don’t have to receive anything from Clay. Fulfilled in my relationship with God, I can choose to serve Clay when he’s not serving me, give when he’s only taking, and love when he’s nothing but unloveable. And on the good days (which, by God’s grace, will outnumber the bad) I will receive his gentle service, gifts, and love with a sense of undeserving joy and gratitude.

He’s not “The One.” The unchangable, unshakeable, never-failing God is “The One.” And Clay is a wonderful, beautiful, completely undeserved gift given to me by The One.

On May 24, 2014, I will become one with someone I love more than my own body. I will happily join with the one God has given me, and together, as one, we will serve The One.

I’m getting married, and he’s not “The One.” And I’m grateful for that.

Four years ago today, I was an overly-dramatic, wild, semi-undisciplined freshman girl. I moved to OU, filled with dreams and restless for adventure. I loved books, but was never much of one for classrooms. I kept a list of all the places I wanted to travel to. Filled with wanderlust, I chose majors that would graduate in no more than four years, and could launch me immediately into world-traveling.

But I couldn’t have imagined what God had in store for me.

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 I wandered through that year, alternatively joyful and upset. I made some of the best friends I’ve ever known. My heart began to heal. I had a thousand more stupid crushes. I began to find that my greatest joy was found in knowing God, and making Him known. The thirst for adventure never decreased, only grew. At times, I felt repressed – thwarted, even. Why would God give me such a thirst for adventure, such a hunger to see the world, and then stick me in a “middle-of-nowhere” college town?

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And then, at just the right time, He introduced one of the best people I’ve ever known. Our friendship progressed and grew. With faltering, wobbly, baby-steps, we walked. And somehow, suddenly it seemed, since I’d hardly noticed it happening, we were no longer friends – we were companions. Without even looking for it, I found myself in the middle of the greatest earthly adventure of my life. I began to see the world, right in the middle of that small college town, as I learned what it meant to “traverse the hills of the human soul.” Like any good adventure, it’s had it’s good days and it’s bad. There have been peaks with great views, and valleys with no light. There’s been sweet, warm days, and really, really, really (really) long nights. There’s even been a lot of days where I’ve just wanted to turn in, pack up, and head home. It’s been a hard adventure, but once I’m exceedingly grateful for.

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Clay Selway, I’m so grateful for you. You are my best friend. No one cares for me the way that you do. No one accepts my faults so readily, but also pushes me to be better so persistently. You make me laugh when all I want to do is cry, and even when I cry (which we both know is a lot,) you readily stand by to comfort me. Life is more fun when you’re around to share it. You think my jokes are funny, even when they aren’t. You tell me my hair looks good, even when it doesn’t. You keep track of my stuff when I can’t. You tell me the good things you see in me, even when I see nothing but bad. Most importantly, you continually point me to Jesus. You are God’s most visible picture of grace to me. The way you love me is such a beautiful picture of the way Christ loves his people; Sacrificially, without conditions, without price. Every day, I see something new about the Gospel as the thread of grace that has run through our entire relationship continues to bind us together. I am so excited for what lies ahead of us, whatever that might be.

4 years later, I’m still in Athens – but somehow, that seems more than ok.

You have been, and will continue to be, my greatest adventure. 

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We belong together, like the ocean needs the shore. You hem me in at my wild edges; I bid you to stretch out, and be so much more.

I’m going to deal with an in-house issue today. This is an open (letter, blog?) to all of my fellow Christians. So if that’s you, then stick around.

If you’re not a Christian, feel free to read it (in fact, please do) but I do want to include a side not. Just because I’m saying these things does not at all reflect any animosity. I’m writing this to people I consider my “brothers” and “sisters” in Christ, and that’s exactly how I feel about them. I love them dearly and intensely. Nothing can change that. Even when they hurt my feelings, (which, as my “family” they often do,) I still love them. So please read this post as a discussion between siblings who are trying hard to live life as a family, with all of it’s faults and failures.

Alright, that said, here’s what I really wanted to get to. Tomorrow, I will have been engaged for two weeks. Not very long! The word has still been getting around.

And it seems that every time, after the initial “congratulations!” the same question follows; “So when is the wedding?” A natural question. Totally fine. It’s been people’s reactions to my answer, however, that have been hurtful.

See, even though Clay and I got engaged in April, we’re not planning on getting married until late May/early June of 2014. There are several, personal, economic, and familial reasons behind that, but the largest reason for that date is because next year I will be serving as an intern with Cru at OU (formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ.)

This is something I’ve felt God leading me to for over a year now, and in the past few months the call has been more than confirmed for me. The internship runs August-April, and in that time, I don’t get any vacation time (other than holidays and such.) So, obviously, wedging a wedding in there would be pretty much impossible.

We talked about it, and although we definitely desire to be married sooner rather than later, this is what we feel is right for us, what God wants for us.

So it really hurts my feelings when people express surprise, and veiled (or not-so-veiled) judgement at our 15+ month engagement. I understand that typically in Christian circles, 6-8 month engagements are far more typical, but that’s just not a reality for us.

A long engagement is not a sin. Please don’t suggest that I ought not to intern with Cru just so that I can get married sooner (and yes, several people have said that to me.)

I wouldn’t blame someone if they did that, but I feel that to do so would be disobedient to what God has called me to do. So it really hurts when people suggest that I’m stupid, sinful, or some combination of both to choose to wait so that I can serve the Lord for less than a year.

I firmly believe that my life is not my own. I belong to the Lord, and to the Lord alone. I do what He has asked, even if that means waiting over a year to get married. I’m sure it will be hard. But I am indwelt with the Spirit. His grace is sufficient for me, for His “…power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Cor 12:9) I will endure, I will learn to love God and Clay more, and I will have joy in it all.

So please, remember to watch what you say. Let only good things come out of your mouth, “such as is fit for building up, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph 4:29)

And please, don’t tell me how much I’m going to hate being engaged by the end. I’m just starting to enjoy it now.

That’s it. Love you all, brothers and sisters, I just want you to know. Ok, now let’s get back to regular life.

So my friend Hanna wrote this really awesome blog post about married/single labels and feeling alone. (You should probably go read it here.)

The post got me thinking a lot about something I’ve been feeling, but haven’t been able/haven’t wanted to articulate. I haven’t been able to articulate it until now because it’s been so painful, and haven’t wanted to because I’m afraid people will think I’m immature/bratty/dramatic/etc. But here it goes. //Start soapbox.

Feeling alone is a peculiar feeling. Elisabeth Elliot describes it as a fundamental distortion of who man was supposed to be: A creature in full, perfect harmony with others and its Creator. But, because of sin, we feel disconnected. Unattached. Adrift. Alone.

My friend says she feels alone sometimes because she is married. I feel alone because I am not. We’re both in different places, yet feeling the same way for me. To be honest, it really is hard for me, (and probably for the well-intentioned woman who wrote this article,) to look at my married friends, and fathom how they could be lonely.

(Side note: This might look different for people whose friends have been married for quite some time, or especially for those whose friends are not yet married. But this is coming from my perspective, in which a great chunk of my friends have gotten married in the past year, or are getting married in the next year.)

It’s so hard for me to look at married life from my angle, and not simply see all of the positives: A real home, furnished with things not found in the basement of a rental house (not at all an example of my life…) A constant partner, a friend who is always there (literally and figuratively.) A warm bed shared with a best friend. 

That’s where my (and I think most single people’s) imagination ends. And then we wallow and feel sorry for ourselves and cry on the pink and teal giraffe bedsheets we bought when we were 18 and can’t get rid of because we can’t afford it. (Totally a made up situation right there…)

And I’d imagine that it runs somewhat in the other direction as well. Married people see all of the hard things about marriage, and long for the parts of singleness that were actually pretty awesome.  So there we both are, feeling hurt, misunderstood, and very, very alone.

But maybe the real point is that we feel often alone because we let ourselves feel that way. 

I’m totally preaching to the choir here, but we feel alone because we let ourselves imagine that no one can possibly understand how we feel. And that’s just dumb.

Single people: I echo Hanna – stop feeling so misunderstood. Remember your married friends were single once. Remember they still like pretty much all the same things they liked when they were single. Remember that they’re a human being, and if they’ve hurt your feelings or made you feel isolated, you should probably just tell them. In short: Be a loving friend.

Married people: This goes for you too! Stop feeling so misunderstood. If you’ve forgotten, then try to remember that you were once single. Remember that your single friends probably are hurting in one way or another, but it may not be how you think. Remember that your single friends definitely want to share in your life, but probably feel really awkward in conversations about things in which they have no experience to share (sex, husbands, wedding planning, etc.) Remember that they’re also human beings. Like I said, in short: Be a loving friend.

I don’t think I’m anywhere near done feeling alone. I don’t think I’ve got this all right and figured out. I’m sure I’ve hurt my married friend’s feelings with insensitivity to their feelings of aloneness as often as I’ve had mine hurt. The point is, feeling alone, at least in many cases, is a solvable problem.

“Turn your loneliness into solitude and your solitude into prayer.”

Ok, end soapbox.//

I’m going to go back to my pink and teal giraffe sheeted bed and drink some tea out of a crappy mug I found in the basement of the house I’m renting….

On Saturday, I watched two of my friends get married. Everything was beautiful, and it was all a blast, but one part in particular struck me – the beginning. Now, I know that might seem like a silly place to start, but trust me, I’m going somewhere with this.

After all the guests had been escorted in, music began to play. Everyone stopped talking, and an excited hush fell over the church. Slowly, the wedding party began to file in. Mothers, the groom, the groomsmen and the bridesmaids. After everyone was in, the doors to the back of the church closed. The music began to rise, and everyone looked backwards, necks craning, waiting for the bride to make her entrance.

Finally, just as the music hit it’s peak, the doors opened, and everyone stood. The bride stood in the doorway, dressed in white. We all watched as she made her way dow the aisle to the altar, where her groom waited.

As I watched her, the obvious question of “I wonder if that will be me someday,” arose. But then, I thought. “No, that will be US!”

As I looked at the friends who surrounded me, all of whom dearly love the Lord, I realized that one day, we would all be doing this. My mind turned to thoughts of Revelation 19 and 21, and the excitement I had for my two friends turned to excitement for all of us.

One day, Jesus will return, and he will call his Bride, the Church, to come. Made pure by the Blood of the Lamb, we will be clothed in white, ready for our wedding day. The entire universe will watch in eager anticipation as we stand, ready and waiting. The gates of Heavenly Jerusalem will open, and we will be ushered in.

As we make our way in, we will see him.  Sitting at the right hand of the Father, the one who has brought us here. Our savior. Our lover. Our groom. Jesus. And in that first moment when our eyes lock and we see him face to face, everything will change.  Every ounce of suffering, every tear, every cry, will seem like nothing compared to the weight of glory we are now experiencing.

Nothing else matters.  All our tears will be dried, and there will be no more pain, no more crying, no more death. Nothing else matters. Because we are here. He is here. And we are finally together, to be united forever.

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
(Revelation 21:2-4 ESV)

“Zion” by Jonathan David Hesler

From September 2011 – March 2012, I knew at least one couple that got engaged every month.

Since then, my life has become a flurry of engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorettes, and, of course, weddings.

Now, just so everyone knows, I attend all of these events with joy.  There is not much better than celebrating the start of a lifelong covenant with beautiful friends. I love it!

However, I don’t think I’m alone when I say it’s also very, very hard. It’s hard to watch everyone get engaged, and then married, and not you.

For several months, I struggled with this.  Though I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t seem to quell my feelings of jealousy and impatience. For every time I’d rebuke myself and repent, the feelings seemed to come back even stronger.

I confided about my problem with a few, but it didn’t seem to help. They were either struggling just like me, or didn’t know what to say.  I was told, “Be patient. Be grateful.”

I knew they meant well, but I always left those conversations frustrated. That was my problem.  I wasn’t grateful, and I couldn’t be patient – and I didn’t know how. 

Soon, bitterness, and resentment joined the party, and I was fully miserable.

My heart grew hard. My prayers grew cold. And there I sat.

Graciously, though, God didn’t leave me there.  One day, while bored, I picked up “Idols of the Heart” by Elyse Fitzpatrick, a book I had started, but not finished. Through Elyse’s helpful questions, I realized something. Jealously and impatience were not my problem; idolatry was.

I had turned from worshipping God and was bowing down at the altar of marriage.  And no matter how I tried to get rid of my jealousy and impatience, because my idol remained, so did they.

Even if I were to get my desire (engagement/marriage), my idolatry would just find a new home – in houses, or money, or babies.  I would never be able to conquer this sin by attempting to simply be patient or grateful. To quote the book, “Don’t be deceived into thinking you need to develop more willpower.  [We] need to develop godly thoughts and desires.”

I would never be able to conquer this sin with mere willpower. No, I needed divine intervention to redirect my idolatrous heart to worship the one, true God.

Praise God that the intervention has already been provided. Jesus Christ, who worshipped the Father perfectly, has given his life for mine, and I can know that the debt I owe for my idolatry is paid.

What’s more, I can know that my heart will be reformed.  Day by day, as I lay down my idol, the Father will reshape my heart, teaching me to love and serve him alone as my God. This is a promise. “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in the day of Christ Jesus.” – Phil 1:6

If you, like me, struggle with jealousy, impatience, bitterness, or any of the thousands of sins that afflict us, take heart in these words from “Idols of the Heart.”

You too, can rest today knowing that as you, by His grace, respond to your heavenly Husband’s command to surrender your idols, He’ll bury them… under the most awesome and glorious tree ever…the one on Golgotha’s mount.

Release. Repent. Relax.

If you’d like to know more about “Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone,” you can read about it here.

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Past Musings